why not

well, much to the advise of my agent, I've decided to start a blog...again. I think there's a few one entry blogs of mine, only god knows where. So, the reason behind this is that maybe, at a later point, I can draw from my "life writings" to develop some stand-up acts. Which does appeal to me, but I have always shy-ed away, because theatre keeps me so fucking busy, but also, I've always thought that I can't really write comedy. I can make other writer's stuff funny, but every time I've sat down to actually "write" a stand-up comedy routine (again, because of my agent) I just sit in front of an open word doc, draw a blank, cry, and run off to McDonalds.

So a few warnings:
1. Does this mean my blog is going to be the most hilarious thing you've ever read? Probably not.

2. My spelling is atroshious (see told you) and my grammar is none existent. People, I have 2 things going against me: my dyslexia, and English is my mother fucking second language.

3. If I insult you, talk bad about you, or make fun of you, I apologize in advance. (this is assuming that people actually read this bull shit)

4. I curse like a sailor, fight like a marine, fuck like a crack-whore, and am as graceful as a ballerina.


oooohh, maybe I can make up fake names to protect the innocent. Like, Ken Blainer, Goman Marcia, Angie Shmoreno, Adriana Floresss, Manielle Motlz, Whore Macias (Laura, please refer to warning number 3), and Gay Costes and Fagdrew Cruse.

Man, I hope I keep up with this bull shit. Okay so to official start now:

Hi Blogg!! I had an absolutely fabulous weekend, though it ended in disaster. So, on Saturday I went with Ken Blainer's company x-mas party. The Hall was huge and very nice and I had a good time. Two words: open bar. Also, Ben's co-workers are pretty cool and fun. Props to Justin and Todd, can't wait to go out with you guys. Marylin and I got tore up. Ben won a phone! (with a gift receipt so that piece of shit is going back, we're taking the cash and hopefully scoring some Christmas crack cocaine)



Afterwards, we went to party with my crazy Columbia friends, Margaret, Brian, Nicole, Natalie (LOOVE HER) and her hott ass boyfriend, as well as other's at Laura's house. Laura if you're reading this; once again, please do it with your down stairs neighbor for me, thanks.

This party was very tame compared to the last one we went too with them were there was a beer pool in the kitchen, Margaret tried to sit on my lap; we both fell, I also bit it again when going into a bathroom ::dropped a beer on this one:: We had not been to Laura's new place so when we got there we automatically went to where the loud music was. Where, we proceeded to party, say hi to people, and hang out for a while before we realized we were in the wrong place. Apparently if you just say, "Where's Margaret?" you can get in anywhere.


Any who, if you're in Chicago you know that by the time we left Fullerton and Milwaukee there was about 32 feet of snow on the ground and it was still falling. So we're walking to the car and suddenly Ben and I are completely covered in a mound of snow and we hear a snow plow whizz by. After Ben dug me out, I ran to said snow plow which was stopped at a red light screaming, "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE," in the most low and butch voice that has ever come out of my body. Unfortunately, He/She drove away before I could kill him/her. (see note 4)

Why did this happen to us you might be wondering. Well, it happened because I was wearing brand new Banana Republic 148 dollar pants. Am I in the habit of buying such expense clothes? ummm, no, not really. My point is: Murphy's Law is a fucken bitch and I should have probably not been wearing any pants at all, period.



I'm hoping whenever my life is not as event full (wishful thinking) I can backlog and recite stories of my not so yonder past: like when I cried at the Gap because I had to keep getting larger and lager pants, or about my time at the Bureau of Student Transportation answering incoming 1-800-How's My Driving phone calls....ohh yeah, have some good stuff there and I've totally worked out with my therapist so I'm ready to talk about it. Stay tuned....

-Ernie