In the Office and On the Set

Here's an update on where I'm working and the like. Just because some people were wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life right now. Actually, I'm wondering that as well.

Currently, I'm working at The Division of Adolescent Medicine for the Cook County Hospital. I'm the Administrative Assistant to the Program Director and we provide care for HIV/AIDS Youth from ages 6 to 24. This job is, of course, through Seville Staffing.

I love them.

I was originally supposed to be here for three days, but I'm currently on my 4th week. I guess we're taking it on a weekly basis, and I'm not worried about it all; I'm confident that when this job ends Seville will find me something else quickly as they always do.

For the most part I really like it. I have yet to work a full week, because of other Acting and Auditioning commitments and they seem to be flexible.

The positive aspects are that:

• I have my own office; I can close the door and nap if i really wanted to.
  
• I don't have to answer phones or deal with anyone.


• Most everyone that works here is Latino, Black or Gay. Or a combination of the three and I love that. (actually, some of us are going to The Circuit this Saturday.)

Also, our Chairman's office is in front of mine and our Resident's office is 4 doors away. Both Doctors. I'm surrounded by doctors so if anything ever happens to me, I'm good.

The negative aspects are that:

• I have to take a bus AND a train to get here. (I'm in the Medical District, by UIC).


• I don't have to answer phones or deal with anyone. I'm amazing on the phone and rather good at costumer service.

What's fantastic about this job is that:

• I feel good about the work I'm doing.


• I enjoy the people I work with.


• And some of our patients are really wonderful.

In the last 3 weeks I've auditioned for the Illinois Shakespeare Festival, The Utah Shakespeare Festival, and a Commercial. I didn't get that commercial (and I won't know about the Shakespeare Festivals until Feb/March). However, my agent called me and said, "Do you remember that commercial you just auditioned for last week? (clearly, she thinks I have Alzheimer's) They really liked you, but couldn't use you for that particular gig. They called again and asked for you and are offering another job."

Isn't that fucking awesome? I shot that commercial for Mubleria Continental yesterday. I think I proved how good of an actor I am because I was cast as a Football Enthusiast. Oh yeahhhhh, that's right bitches!

The scene was me and two buddies watching "the game," that's how they say it, the straight guys, "the game." So, we're watching "the game" and we get really excited when they do a goal, or home run, or what ever the fuck it is. A hole in one. Then I say, in Spanish, "Look, the picture. ALL DIGITAL"

It sounds better in Spanish.

I was on set for 8.5 hours to say 5 words. Ahhh, living the dream. A little behind the scenes: They had to remove my body mic because I was so loud, but that's how they wanted it. They improvised and turned the body mic into a boom. Hello! Outdoor Shakespearean Actor here. The line I ended up saying on screen was not my originally line. On set they thought the originally line was to formal so they changed it on the spot. After I wrapped I asked the producer, "was that okay?" and she said "Oh yeah, this is why we hired you!"


I'm not trying to toot my own horn too much here, but trust me. In our line of work, when you get one Yes for every 20 No's, you have to lift your own spirit sometimes.

I hate to end on a sucky note, but Milwaukee Shakespeare has closed down.

Now I can say that I've been directly impacted by the economy, besides all the great sales. (Got a shirt at Macy's for 65% off! this weekend). Anyway, I was really looking forward to auditioning for them again because I came so close earlier this year. At my call back, they had me read other roles I wasn't called back for. From the time I was there to the time I left I was the only actor that they kept asking to come back in. Anyway, I left that call back in Milwauikee with the feeling that sooner or later I'm going to be involved with this company.

Not anymore. Thanks America.

But After this week I can add to my list of possible "break-out" roles.

Stomach Pain Guy
Closeted Gay Cable TV Host
Murderous Tranny

and now
Football Dude

Thanks, Black Soul, Strippers, Friends, and more Strippers

This Thanksgiving was one of the best I've had in the past few years.

Ben and I had Thanksgiving with our married couple friends, Andrew and Amy. Of course, I can't leave out their adorable little boy Owen, he loves me, and their friends Beck and Farell, whom we've met before and really enjoy.

A little background on Andrew: I went to grad school with Andrew and we are both Ohio Shakespeare Festival company members. We play many Master/Servant comedy duos. Guess who's who.



All the food was incredible and the company was even better. Seriously, I had a blast. One of my favorite parts was whilst on the dessert course everyone shared what they're most un-thankful for. A gripe. It was fun. Probably not what the holiday is intended for, but fuck it. It was fun. We had given thanks at dinner, so we kept everything balanced.

What am I most thankful for?

Ben. Seville Staffing. My immediate family. And my friends.

What was my main gripe?

I refrained from talking too much about politics and the economy this year, because I'm not an expert. I'm not there. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but unless you're there getting it from the lion's mouth, then I don't think you should think you KNOW. Moreover, even if you do get it from the lion's mouth, lions lie sometimes, so you never really know.

People really pissed me off when they acted like they knew everything about this election.

I can read. (Writing? Maybe not so much, no, but I can READ.) I don't need you to tell me what someone told someone, who go it from someone else. You know what, I can also repeat the 30sec blurb I saw on television.

BUT who wrote that piece? Who is that network affiliated with? Where and how was this information gathered?

I felt many times that people used buzz words to sound smart, but really didn't know that the fuck they were talking about, or moreover, had made a decision or had an original thought about it.

Someone: "Can you believe this "economy"?

Me: "Oh , yeah, what about it"

Someone: "Well....Ummm... (pause) ....You know... (pause)...it's bad"

Me: "What do you mean by bad"

Someone: "(long pause) bad, bad"

Me: "OOOoooh, yeah. Bad. I totally got it now since you said it twice."

Friday morning at 4:15am Ben and I drove out to Niles (about 15mins away) to do some Black Friday shopping. I think they call it Black Friday, because that's what color your soul turns if you participate.

I had done it once many many many years ago and swore to never do it again, but clearly I have forgotten how sucky it was and decided I would give it a whirl.

We had a strategy.

Be flexible, stay positive, divide and concur.

We had a list. Ben went to Best Buy, I went to Wal-Mart. If something on the list was not available, then we'd forget about it: we didn't have it before, why fight or be upset. If we stumbled upon something too good to miss, grab it.

I saw people fighting and the lines we terribly long. And people were fighting in the terribly long lines. It was, to be kindly about it, HELL ON EARTH.

Nah, it wasn't that bad. People were fighting and it was packed; however, it was worth it.
I got an external Hard Drive for 99.99 (originally 175.00)
I got a shit load of awesome movies for 2, 6, and 9 dollars. (Iron Man, Indiana Jones, Borat, 40yr old Virgin, Across the Universe, Interview with a Vampire, to name a very few) We also got some other amazing deals on a toaster oven and a 28 piece Rubbermaid food storage set for 7bucks.

That evening we were having dinner at El Jardin (the best Mexican food restaurant in Chicago). And our friend Ross calls us to go have one drink at Roscoe's. We weren't dressed to go out, but fuck it we said. Sure, one drink.

Well....

I'll just skip to the end of the story, which takes place the next day. I had a splitting head ache and I pulled out this folded piece of paper from my jacket.

"What is this?" I said out loud. I opened it up. It says:

gogoboi@anemailsite.com

Enough said.

On Sat one of my ex-students now friends, Brandon, came to visit me in Chicago from Columbus OH. We went down to the mag mile, saw the Macy's windows, and went to a play; The Neo Futurists' Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind.

This is is more like an event really. I highly recommend it. They attempt to do 30 plays in 60 minutes. It's usually tons of fun.

This was the 4th TMLBTBGB show I've seen and, honestly, it was the worst one. They have a lot of new cast members so I think that's why it's a bit clunky. I thought maybe I just didn't like it because I was bitter, because I auditioned for them, got a call back, but didn't get in the ensemble. But both Ben and Brandon agreed so it wasn't just me. I'm sure by next month it's going to be awesome.

The Macy's windows were weird, but cute. I actually had no clue what was going one, but Ben liked them.

Brandon felt the same way:


On Sunday, gay band practice was cancelled, which I was very happy about. That night we went out with our friends to dinner. Then Ross says, "Let's go to Sidetracks for one drink" I thought it's early, sure, sounds like fun. One drink.

Well....

I'll just skip to the point in the story were I spent a lot of Ross's money on various strippers at a second bar, and then at a third bar a guy from Colorado showed us his big dick and grabbed mine and Ben's privates.

Happy Holidays!

O, wait, I had promised to talk about my latest acting gig. The Comedy of Errors at the Canton Players Guild in Ohio:

me: "It was awesome."

Someone: "Oh yeah, well, what do you mean by awesome?"

me: "You know...like.. really really..(pause) awesome awesome"

Someone: "OOOOOoooh, awesome"

The Old West

Holy crap, it's been forever. I'm so sorry, to both of you.

I have a lot to catch up on. Let's start! First, we'll discuss and relive my time in El Paso, TX, because it was totally awesome. Really, a lot better than I had ever imagined.

I mostly went to visit my sis and her kiddos which I had not seen in forever, but also for my 10yr high school reunion.




And yes, I'm that fucking old. I was only planning on doing one of the official reunion events, but I ended up doing all three because I was having so much fucking fun.

For the most part, from Wed 10/08 nite till Sun 10/12 nite, I spent my time playing all morning and afternoon with my Nieces and nephew and partying all evening and night with my friends and fellow High School Alumni.

Even if I wanted to sleep in I couldn't because my Nephew/Godson Sean and Niece Jasmine would wake me up to play.

"Nino, Nino.....let's play cards" (Nino means God Father in Spanish)
"Ernie, Nino, Tio, I wanna Dance Dance Revolution" (Tio means Uncle is Spanish)
(wow who knew this was going to be a Spanish lesson as well?)






So Ben (who got in on Friday) and I would both wake up at 8am to play cards, DDR, PlayStation 2, and the ever popular "throw me up in the air" game. Then in the evenings we'd be off to hang out with my best friends in El Paso, Adriana, Roman, and Janet.


Thursday was the Honored Ex Assembly at the football stadium.



After the assembly we went into the school and I showed everyone all my acting trophies and we also went to the Band room. It was a trip to go into the Band room and the practice rooms, in which, we all made out with each other at one point or another. Sometimes all at the same time.

Seriously, I have proof.

That's me in the middle. Yikes!

Thu nite we partied with the new Band Director (who was awesome) and my Old Speech Coach. After Logan's kicked us out, we did after hours at my Speech Coach's house.



Early Friday morning, Roman and I went to Band practice to speak to the students per the new band director's request. For those who didn't know I use to be a drum major.

See, that's me conducting the band in 1998.

Wanna see more?

That's me in my Drum Major outfit. That year we did a Circus Show, so I was a Ring Master. Also please note how I took my senior pictures at Glamour Shots. LOL








That Friday morning was also the homecoming parade which was actually rather impressive and long. Very long. I have to say that standing in front of the High School with all the other High School students I didn't feel old at all!

That night was the football game, which I was not planning on attending, but my Speech Coach now an administrator there, convinced to go because I wouldn't have to pay and she could get my friends and I on the field.


Yeah, it was cool. The other alumni asked me, "How the hell were you allowed to be on the field?"

My answer? "Ummm, VIP Bitch"


After the game, on Friday night Ben and I met up with my bestest friend Adriana and another girl named Sandra (both whom I met at my first job at the Amusement park when I was 16). We went to Grahams Central Station, which Adriana and I use to go to every Friday, for 25cent long necks. Yes, you heard me right, Beer for a quarter....that's El Paso!





After getting completely fucked up for about a dollar and seventy-five cents we went to The San Antonio Mining Company for dancing and after hours.

Saturday during the day I took my nieces and nephews to Insights Science museum, and Chuck E. Cheese, both which they had never been too. Just thinking about it again and seeing the joy and amazement in their tiny faces chokes me up. Ahh..okay breath.








Saturday evening was the semi-formal dinner and dance at the country club. Why was it so much fun? I have two words. Open Bar. The event started a bit slow, but by the end I was dancing with everyone!

Awards were to be giving out at this event and about 7mins before the presentation, the organizers came up to me and asked me If I could do the presentation because I'm so "animated and funny. "

I said, "Give me five minutes!"






I fucken killed. I totally killed. And I was nervous because those in attendance are not my usual target audience, I hadn't seen most of them in 10 yrs, and they were all straight. Anyway, I did it all off the cuff and it was awesome.

You know, how I've been contemplating whether I should go into stand up or not. Well, this totally convinced me that I can.

Luckily, on each award they had a post-it with some facts about that person and highlights of their accomplishments in the last 10years, which was great to make fun off. One of the recipients did get rather upset with me, but, if you were giving out, "The Most Little Indians Award," (our mascot is an Indian), so if you're giving out the award for the person who had the most babies in the class,where else would you go with that comedically?

I called it, "The Hoe Award"
The, "I can't keep my legs closed," Award.
The "Get another hobby award"...etc...

I said, "What, you've never heard of a condom, bitch? You know, there has been a lot of advancements in science and now we have these contraptions they can stick up in your vag and plug it up. Call 1-800-Mirena."

Anyway, she was upset that I failed to mentioned that she had been married for 8 years with the same guy...blah, blah, blah. I said, I'm sorry, but that wasn't in the post its they gave me. I also reminded her that it was all in good fun, and no one took it seriously. It was all good and we even danced some that night.

Oh and out of the five awards that were given out, I received one!

Sunday I spent all day with my Dad and my grandma, both whom I had not seen in a very long time.

This was one of my favorite parts of the trip.

Sunday night Roman, Adriana, Ben and I went to the Sundland Park Casino.

Ben and I broke even thanks to Ben. Roman lost all his money and Adriana won 200 dollars with only spending 10. She took us out to eat that night and then the next morning, early, I was off to Cleveland OH and Ben was off to Chicago, IL.

Adrania and I are fans of Chedder's Margaritas.

Here a picture taken May 19, 2004


I absolutely loved my time in El Paso. I got to see my best friends and some of my family. It was wonderful.

***Next time on Ernie's Blog****


"You want me to put that WHERE?"
"....and then, she died."
"yes you're right, I have been a dirty boy"

We'll also dive into my trip to OH, and The Comedy of Errors at the Canton Player's Guild.

As a special bonus for those of you who have not abandoned me because I had not blogged in a while.

Here are some more High School Pics.

Red Bull Flugtag

Hello all.  I'm in Akron and I've hit the floor running.  But I finally feel a bit rested from my crazy ass trip to El Paso and my 10 year high school reunion.  It was a Blast.  More about that to come soon, but for now....we Flugtag! 

This one's gonna come back and bite me in the ass if i'm ever famous, but I must always be myself.  Right?  Of course, right.

I'm off again

I've almost finished unpacking into my new place, and now I'm packing again. 

Tomorrow I'm flying out to El Paso, Texas to meet my new niece Sophia, see my best friends Adriana and Roman, and go to my 10yr High School Reunion.

I'm nervous about the reunion because I'm the only one from my crew that will be there.  I guess we'll see what happens. 

From there I'm flying out to Canton, OH and I'll be back to Chicago on Nov 3rd; just in time to rock the vote.  

I did get to see all the shows I wanted to see before I left.  I recommend:  

Weekend at TimeLine Theatre

Edward II at Chicago Shakespeare Festival

Caroline or Change at Court Theatre

Candide at Porch light Theatre

If you can only go to one, go see Caroline or Change.    We'll see you in Texas!!!  Yeeehaw!

I'm a what now?

Yesterday, was a great day. Do you ever have such a great day that you have stop yourself and say, in amazement, "Wow, today is a great day."

My agent calls me on Tue and says, "I may have a print job for you. They want to know if you're available. They like your pictures" I said, "Hell yeah I'm available, I'll just call in sick. I don't give a fuck about this day job right now." (One more week and counting) The next day she called and said they want you, you got the job.

So yesterday I call in sick and drive out to the Hyatt Regency in Rosemont, IL for my photo shoot. It was fabulous. This company sells uniforms so I played a famous Chef. I always get along famously with my hair and make up people. They were fun. The best part of the job, besides making 500 dollars in 2 hours, was when they said, "Can we get the model on set please?"

I've been called many things in my life...faggot, spic, queer, wetback, gay taco...but Model is sure the fuck not one of those thing. We shot in the hotel restaurant which was beautiful. It was a fun and quick shoot. I loved it.

Then I had the rest of the day free. I did some shopping, went home and packed a little, then Ben and I met up with Zack and his friends: Jeremy and Matt. We ate a super dinner and drank cocktails outside at the Minni Bar. It was a gorgeous evening and I had some great company. I had the kind of day were If you were on a reality show, it would be an awesome episode.

When the bill came Jeremy took care of it.

It was a great day.



I've been really busy lately. I've been memorizing lines every chance I get. Ben and I are moving in with Zack this weekend, so we've been packing and purging.

Also, since we're moving away from Boystown, the gay mecca of Chicago, we've been enjoying our final weeks here and going out almost every other night. A lot of bar hoping and a lot of strippers.

Gay Symphonic Band has started again so we have rehearsal and social outings with those friends every week.

We went to the Disney ice show. A guilt pleasure of ours.

It was so great. Our seats were fantastic and they were only 9 dollars with my CPS discount. The one positive thing about my current day job. A sea of little girls in the audience and Ben and I.

We went the Howl at the Moon, we saw Amy and Freddy at the Lakeshore theatre, we went to a Flute Quintet recital and after party. And no they did not put their Flutes in their pussy's. Not even at the after party. It's been a busy great month.

Some exciting news: My mom and little sister, Estella, are going to come see me in The Comedy of Errors in Canton next month. No one in my family has seen me perform since 1998. Presumably, I would have gotten a bit better since then.

Some not so exciting news: Ben and I are moving to Uptown. I'm really sad about it. We've lived in Boystown ever since we moved here. It's so fun and safe here. I've always said the only thing someone is at risk for in our neighborhood is a drive by make-over.

Honestly, I'm scared to walk in Uptown during the day. It's so strange to see regular black and latino people walking around. I'm used to body builders and twinks. I'm sure it's not as bad as I'm making sound.

At least now I won't have to get all dolled up to just go to the Walgreen's on the corner.

Same old Fun

Oh my god, I can be so tacky sometimes. Did you see that last video and me FLIPPING off the camera???!!!!! I am ashamed. They had to do a re-take because of me.

Anyway, not much to report. I guess I can say I'm up to the same old fun.

Work sucks ass. I hate it. (thank god i'm only there for four more weeks). I don't think i've ever really hated a job. Not cater waiter. Not office jobs. Not working the games at Western Playland.

me:
"Hi, do you wanna play, it's only one dollar"

"No sir, our games aren't rigged"

"Sir, please stop hitting me"

Yes, I was a carny. And I didn't even hate my job when I worked at McDonalds for one week and got fired.

That's right. I've only told 2 people this in my entire life. Ben and Dane. When I was young I got hired at the McDonalds in the mall, I had a friend that worked there and I needed a job for the summer. I was fired a week later because I gave out free food to homeless people.

At the end of the day they would through out all this perfectly good high calorie food. So, I started giving it out to the homeless and I got fired. Fuck you McDonalds and your BigMacs.

Even though my day jobs sucks big donkey dick right now. I'm having a blast enjoying the last of summer in Chicago.

We went to see Donna Summer at Ravinia. It was awesome. Seeing her singing LAST DANCE live and in person was surreal. I've danced to that song a million times. I've heard drag queens perform that song a billion times. It was very cool and she sounded incredible.

That Latino Music Festival was also a lot of fun as you can see my pervious posting.

Look at me!!! Ay dois mio, what a mess.

That lady was standing next to us with her family and she was fun. She kept making me dance with her.

"Move Ernie, MOVE!"

"Oh, I'm moving bitch. I'm moving away from you're crazy ass!"

The following day, I had some people over and to pre-cocktail and then went to Musical Theatre Monday at Sidetracks.

Musical Theatre nite at Sidetracks is like The Rocky Horror Show. They play showtunes (it's a video bar) and everyone screams stuff back to the screen, sings, dances, and during Evita and Titanic napkins are thrown in the air. That's my favorite part.

We also went to The Renaissance fair Labor day weekend. My third one . It's ALWAYS much fun.

This guy was amazing.

His character and show is called MOONIE. He's brilliant. When we talked with him after the show he mentioned that he's been in like 7 seasons at The Illinois Shakespeare Festival. He doesn't speak for about 45 minutes of his show and it's hysterical. He basically does one lazzi after another and he juggles and walks a tight rope.

But the best-est part of the ren fair is the FOOD.

I ate, Shrimp Tampura, Steak on a Stick, curly fries, corn on the cob, turkey leg, funnel cake, a corn dog, and cheese fritters. And then for lunch I had.... (jk)

This past weekend we went bar hoping with Zach and his friends on Friday.  A stripper at Cocktails rubbed his packaged all over my face and it wasn't even extra!  It was included in the original dollar.  Man, I love this country

And Saturday was the Red Bull Flugtag. A video of that is coming soon. It was good ole American silly fun. I loved it. I can't wait to put the video up.

People spend hours building these silly contraptions so they can do a dance and fling them over a ramp into a lake. What's more American than that?  Racism and Bureaucracy? 

Think and discuss

Viva Chicago

Back Pain, Culture, Buses, and Trannies

These few weeks that I’ve been back in Chicago have been really…um…interesting.


First of all, my first week back was horrific. Really really suck assy. The entire week I was, for the most part in pain, on the couch, pissed off, and sad. This was due to my back injury from Othello. I stopped taking my pain medication I got from the hospital because they were knocking me out and making my stomach hurt.


It wasn’t even a fun kinda high.


Towards the weekend my life got better. On Friday, I went to a wedding with Ben. Walking was still a bit difficult for me, but I just had to get out of the house.


A girl Ben works with was getting married at Drury Lane Oakbrook Terrace and her family is connected because there were all sorts of consulates and important vip people there; including, the secretary of state Jessie White.


I was like, What the fuck?! I have that dude's signature on my drivers license”


I love weddings and this wedding was beautiful; 600 plus people, beautiful venue, a great band, entertainment, best wedding food I’ve ever had, best wedding cake I’ve ever had. I loved it.


On Saturday our soon to be Roommate Zach and his current love interest Christian (nice guy) came over and we hung out at our place and went out to dinner. That night I was invited to a theatre party and a gays party, but I wasn’t feeling totally better so Ben and I stayed in.


On Sunday I went to go see Cultural Clash at the Goodman Theatre. It was amazing. I studied these guys in Theatre History and there they were performing in front of me!!! And to make it even better….they still got it. Their performance was hysterical and moving.

(Clips of their current production)

This past week I started my next office temp assignment until Oct 8th when I take off for my next acting job in Canton. I’m back at, for the third time now, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools.

Oh yes, that old chestnut.


The upside is that it’s a lot of money and it’s only for 6 weeks. The downside is that it’s, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools. It’s a very high stress job and very strict office. I have to wear a tie every day. Every day. No casual Fridays here. I have to log in and out every time I get up from my desk and I have to deal with some very angry parents and school staff. It’s just dreadful.


Then this past Wednesday I get a phone call from Animal Planet saying, “We got a submission from your agent and we’re filming a show in Zion, Illinois and we would really love for you to play Charles Martinez. He’s one of the three leads.”


I thought to myself, “Animal Planet, wow, what’s the catch?”


Then they say, “But there’s more….”


I think to myself, “Ah, here’s the catch.”


“It’s a true story about a bisexual man and his transsexual lover who both kill the bisexual man’s ex-girl friend. You would be the transsexual lover. Is this okay with you?”


I say: “This is going to be on ANIMAL PLANET?”


Yes, it’s a new series called Animal Witness about true crime cases that are solved by animals. Well, their not solved by animals, but with their help.


“So, let me get this right. I’m playing a murderous tranny that gets caught by…let’s say: bloodhounds, a coyote, a pit-bull, and…a cockatoo, on Animal Planet?”

"Yes"

SIGN ME UP, BITCH!


It was so funny because they were trying to be so careful about the whole “transsexual” thing. They were choosing their words very carefully, they didn’t want to offend me, and they kept asking me, “Would you be okay with that?”  They also said, “It’s going to be very tastefull.”


I said, “Umm, yeah, I’m going to be just fine with that.”

(Last Halloween)




So, of course the first thing I said on my first day on the set was:

“Hey, I’m Ernie…I’m the murderous hot tranny mess!”


They darkened my eyebrows to make me look tranny-esk, but since it’s Animal Planet I’m not in drag or a wig, which I thought would have been really cool.


I’ll probably end up looking pretty ridiculous if there are any good shots of my face in the show, but for the character it’s going to look good I think.  It's going to very "Cops."  All voice over with snippets of the reenactments. So I don't know if you'll ever even get a good look at my tanny ass face.


It’s been so fun playing an evil person for once. My character is cold and calculating. He killed someone! I think I enjoyed it little too much.


I’ve always told my acting students:
Bad or evil people don’t think that their bad or evil, they just think they’re right.


Doing the murder scene was probably the coolest thing I’ve done for a camera to date. It was so hard not to smile while I was killing a bitch for hitting on my man, because I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, the director said they would probably use very little of it since it was so violent and “this is Animal Planet.”

“I don’t know why I’m spending so much time on this pretending like we’re making a horror flick here. They probably won’t use any of this.” said the director.



The worst thing about working with Animal Planet is that the fucking animals are treated better than the actors.

Week Nine 8/4 to 8/10

Do you ever have the feeling that you don't really belong anywhere?  I'm finally back home, but I feel very strange.  

Last year when I get back I was down right depressed.  Last summer I had such an amazing time, loved the work I did, got great reviews, then all of a sudden I was unemployed and didn't know what I was doing with my life.

This summer, again, I loved the work I did, I got great reviews, but I have a job and I know what I'm doing with my life.  I guess it's just an adjustment period. 

I was gone for so long, I feel like a stranger in my own apartment.

Also I'm heavily drugged at the moment. 

My last week at OSF was pretty good considering I had to go to the Hospital/ER.  Yup, I got hurt during a stage fight while doing Othello.  It happened on Thursday.  We held the show for a couple of minutes because it was raining.  

We get the go and everything is fine until the, 'Roderigo gets his ass kicked' scene, which pretty much is right in the middle of the show.  I run out from up stage screaming "Help, Help" and I'm supposed to trip and fall.  Well the stage floor was wet so I really did trip and fall.  I used it, of course.  

Then the actor playing Cassio (Chris Richards) is supposed to drag me up and fling me across to the other side of the stage.  I was so disheveled from my 'real' fall that I didn't control my next fall and I fell right on my back.  It all happened so fast.

The next day, Friday, I'm really sore, but nothing to bad.  In between my scenes there was always someone in the cast rubbing down my back.  (PS I've never had back pain issues before, never)

On Saturday, however, BAM the pain hits me like a ton of bricks. 

I was feeling better Saturday morning, only a little sore, so I start packing, lifting heavy suitcases, etc... That day Dane, Ben and I were planning to go to a Wolf Creek Winery for a nice lunch and wine tasting at 2:30pm.   As I'm packing the lovely lunch I made: cheese, crackers, grapes, grilled chicken salad, the pain hits me in the kitchen.  

I stumble into the living room and fall to the floor. I  stayed down for 30 mins.  It hurt so bad.  I took a vicodin, but it still hurt.  After those 30 mins i tried to get up and couldn't. That's when I said, "um, I think I have to go to the ER."

Dane and Ben carried me to the car and off we go.

When we got to the hospital, some of the staff there saw how I was struggling to get out of the car and making "oooohhh" "OUCH" noises so they brought me a wheel chair right away.  A woman cop that was at the front door helped me onto the wheel chair and said,

"You hurt your back... Let me guess, football."

To which I responded

"No, acting."

Anyway, I was there for about 3.5 hours.  They took X-rays and give me 2 shots of something good, and a muscle relaxer.  

The doctor said, I didn't break anything.  I strained and bruised a muscle and they prescribed pain killers and muscle relaxers.  I asked, "I have show tonight can I do it?"  He said, "We'll you shouldn't, but that's up to you." 

I thought to myself, "Well, he didn't say I couldn't!"

I had called the director before I left to the hospital and he was prepared to go on for me and read the lines on book.  I called him back said, "I'll be late, but I'm going on."

I left from the Hospital straight to the theatre at Willoughby where we were performing Othello.  It was an hour away, I got there just in time to get into costume and out on stage.  

When I left the Hospital I was high as a kite on Vicodin, which they didn't know I had taken, 2 shots (one in each arm) of something and a muscle relaxer.  I was FLYING.

Before going on I asked the other actors to, "shove me on stage if I'm on and I hope ill say the right lines."

The show went well.  I did have a funny walk, but since Roderigo is a fool, I think it worked for me.  At one point when Othello, who was not every good at all, had a long monologue, I had to lean up against the stage right proscenium because I was getting really dizzy and thought I was going to faint.  

 

This last week both my temp agencies called me, Seville/office, and KSM/catering.  I had lined up a catering gig this entire week, and an office job starting  this coming Monday until Oct 8th, when I'm off for my next gig.  

I had to cancel the catering and take this week off.  I'm still in pain , but not as bad as the day I ended up at the ER.  I'm basically just knocked out all day, because the meds I'm on make me sooo drowsy. 

That having been said, I feel like i'm gonna pass out again.  Goodnight.

Week Eight 7/28 to 8/3

One more week. One more week. One more week.

I’m going home. I’m going home. I’m going home.

Can you tell I’m excited? This experience has been so much different than last year, but still as awesome. I came into this thinking it was going to be different. I came into this trying not to expect it to be as incredible as last year. I have to say that it was as incredible and different.

Doing three shows back to back almost killed me, but talk about craft. Without good craft I don’t think it’s possible to do summer rep. Or I should say, with out good craft it’s not possible to do good summer rep. What is craft? I say the balance of technique and truth. Technique you can learn and that's why one trains. Truth, is a God given gift.

This summer I have solidified by ties with the Ohio Shakespeare Festival. I’m sure I won’t be in a show every summer, though I probably could if I wanted to, but I am so happy to have an artistic home. I can come here and do what I do (Speed, a comedic character), with people I love to do it, and even stretch myself (Rosencrantz, not one laugh line).

I’m excited about coming back in October to do The Comedy of Errors at the Canton Players Guild. It’s going to be INSIDE!!!! INDOORS! I just shed a tear.

This week was pretty calm. Mostly because it’s the first of the month, which means expensive Chicago rent. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money. But also, like I said in my last blog, I was starting to get out of control.

I can now understand why Elaine Stritch, Ethel Merman, Judy Garland and the like were such epic alcoholic and partiers. I’m proud to announce that through out the summer I never let my partying interfere with my work. I think that’s important.

Monday during the day Bret's mom had me over for dinner.  It was a very nice chill family time.  She said they are my Ohio family now.  It thought it was so nice.  Now I have two Ohio white families: the Coulborns and the Holdens.

Monday night, Dane L., Eric C. and I went to the usual Monday Hip-Hop nite at The Interbelt. I’ve been every Monday since I’ve been here, including tonight. However, this night turned out to be very unusual. When we got to the belt we were like, “What’s going on?” Both parking lots were full and the line to get in wrapped around the building. I said, “Naturally, everyone knows I’m almost leaving so they way to pay their respects.”

In line, I noticed that many girls were wearing swimming tops, to go out in. This isn’t really unusual in Akron, OH, but “so many” I thought. Then I saw a couple of boys with swimming trunks. It came to me. “Oh, fuck. Foam Party”

Yes, I was right. At first I was pissed off because the cover was 10 dollars. TEN DOLLARS!! IN OHIO, COME ON! Not even in fucken Chicago I pay 10 dollars. So I’m bitching about this for the first 30 mins of the nite at the club. “10 dollars?” “Seriously?” “Really?”

However, after the 27th hot, probably straight, shirtless guy with amazing abs and 4 coronas I said,

“I would have paid 20!”

I was wearing a very nice button down shirt from Express with trendy pants and black dress shoes. Yes, I got in the foam. Dane really wanted to. 

When I got out I said, “I think I just got pregnant.”

On Tuesday, I saw The Music Man at Porthouse Theater. It was fun. After the show there was an after party that I got invited to and that was fun too. It was just a fun night. Those Porthouse kids this summer were awesome. I hope I can do Porthouse again soon.

My camera is getting fixed and they say I should have it in 2 weeks. They’re going to mail it to Chicago.

Othello is coming along. Okay, honestly, our Othello is, um, well, not as strong as the rest of the cast. But in his defense everyone in the show has done their respective parts twice even three times. We’re kinda eating him up. It’ll be fine.....I hope.

Awe, I'm going to miss everyone so much.

When we got the places call at intermission Lara, who played Silvia and Ophelia, screams out loud: “PLACES, BITCHES!!!”

Dick who played Polonius, an old character actor, grabs my ass and whispers in my year, “Ernie, you must never forget the dignity of the theater.”

Last year, Dick was in The Comedy of Errors, and one time when Andrew C., Terry B. and I were hanging out Terry B. said, “God, isn’t Dick great.” Then I said, without missing a beat, “Hello, I’ve known that for years.”

I’m going to miss Buddy the stage manger and lighting guy how says things like “What’s the best part about fucking 27 year olds? There’re 20 of them.”
He also “hefted” my balls and dick at the last Jacuzzi cast party.

I’m going to miss Terry B.  When I was warming up for a show and Ben was in town he said, “Stretch that shit out. For the show and for TONIGHT.”

I’m going to miss Tess, we’re engaged now that’s how much we love each other.

I’m going to miss Dane, Eric, and Chris most of all. (What the fuck, am I Dorothy?) (Yes)

There is nothing better and being able to do what you love to do with people you love to do it with.


PS For Hamlet we had Mole night, Wink Night, Secret gesture night. And finally when Andrew (our Hamlet) found out how much I hate “the Shocker” hand thing. You know, “One in stink, two in the pink.” I hate this so much. Anyway, he flashed it to me on stage while he was talking to me. I almost lost it. Almost. 

Week Okay, I'm over it

Nahh, I'm just kidding.  I'm not really over it.  I just wanted to give some variety to my titles.   I am ready to go back home, but I'm definitely not over it. 

I wish I had pictures to show of this past week, but unfortunately, my not even a year old, 300 dollar camera, was run over by a go-cart.

You know, I think one’s true self comes out in times of crisis and that’s the best time to gauge how a person really is.

Thus far, I think I’m a pretty nice person.

Last year, Andrew C. was bringing my Euphonium from Chicago to Akron. I couldn’t take it with me on the bus. He was driving and had plenty of room for it. Andrew left his car doors open while he was packing and they stole it.

He felt terrible.

My honest reaction was, “You know what…its just stuff. Its just STUFF. No one was hurt and You Can’t Take It With You.”

One day this week Dane and I went to Rinky Dink in Medina since we weren’t called for Othello rehearsal during the day. It was fun; we did the Bumper Boats, Dance Dance Revolution, and the Go-Carts.

My camera fell out of Dane’s pocket and onto the track.

He felt terrible.

I convinced him that it wasn't a big deal at all. It really wasn't. I was also convinced that one of the other go-carters more than likely probably aimed for it.  I was horrible at go-carts. Horrible. I was so far behind that I was in first place.

One day before rehearsal Uncle Darren took Andy and I to The Wolf Creek Winery for some roommate bonding time, if you will. I had a good time, but I wasn't impressed with the winery. I guess I was expecting something out of SIDE WAYS, but it basically was a wine bar in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees and a lake. We got drunk and did monologues for each other. Good times, Good times.

Now that I think about it, this was: Party Like A Rock Star week. Hamlet is in full swing and the audiences love it. I’m off book for Othello and rehearsal has been pretty effortless and fun.

Pardon me for not remembering what days I did what. The weeks and days are all running together now.

Some time this past week a few of us went down to Kent and had a totally epic night. We partied at the Zephyr where shots and pitchers abounded. Then we were invited to an after party.

As Dane and I were walking to the car we both had to piss so we went in this huge bush. It was massive. It was a wall. Dane finished first and when I walked out this really really cute girl asked, “What were you guys doing in there?”

I started saying, “Yes, yes,  so I’m going to want to prune the edges off, probably about ¼ inch. Also, I want to put in some flower beds and daffodils and umm, sun..flowers.”

Dane and Jessica with the Skirt, which was what I named her, started laughing.

I said, “Don’t laugh, I’m Mexican, I’m a professional. Landscaping is my life.”

The next thing I know, this girl is in the car with us and we’re on the way to a party with her. I don’t remember much about this first after party we went to; a lot of pretty girls that were all about me and some douche bags.

Apparently, I had a very long conversation with a hot guy that works at the Rec about Shakespeare, but I don’t remember that at all.

I do remember that as we were leaving I stole 2 lawn chairs from their porch.

When I drink there are two possible things that can happen: either I turn into a kleptomaniac or I get really horny. Both are highly dangerous.

Remind me to tell you about the time I stole a Christmas Tree and  a pool cue from Adams Street Bar. Now, that’s talent!

(FYI: 2 days later I took the lawn chairs back because I felt bad about it)

After the hoes and douche bag party, we went to the original after party we were invited to. It was so much fun. Everyone there was so cool and laid back. They had booze. There was pot (which I don’t do, but I don’t judge). There was guitar playing and singing. Great conversations. And, I may or may not have done 6 lines of coke.

That’s when you know you’ve had an awesome night. When you can say, “I may or may not, have done 6 lines of coke.”

You decided.
 
This week we also had a cast party for Hamlet at that Mansion with the jacuzzi and pool. It was awesome. Per request, I wore the same blue small and tight bathing suite I did last time.

They have an absolutely gorgeous up stairs bathroom, which I threw up all over. Three times.

You know what’s a sign of an amazing friend? No, not the person that holds your hair up as you’re throwing up, but the one that cleans up your puke.

Thanks, Dane!

Now I look like a freak because the throwing up, trice, put so much pressure on my eyes that I popped a blood vessel in my left eye and it’s all red.

I have to admit that this week was a little out of control. But, my time here is very quickly coming to an end. Hamlet closes this coming weekend and Ben will be here on Saturday (so excited). I do Othello for a week then it’s back to Chi-town on Aug 10th.

In Chicago, I start working on a one-man show project, Ben and I move to Uptown in September, I’m going to Texas for a High School Reunion, then I’ll be in Canton for 3 weeks in October for The Comedy of Errors.  

Oh yeah, and sometime in between all that I need to find a few new jobs, start my Second City Training, and prepare for a Comedy Masterclass that I’m giving in October.

Can you understand now why I Play Hard when I can?


PS For the Hamlet performance last night I proclaimed Mole Night. That’s when you have a mole and for every scene you go on stage it changes to a different location. At one point on stage when Hamlet is talking directly to me I saw his eyes do a double take of my face.  

Everyone deserves to have fun at work right?

Week Six 7/14 to 7/20

Okay, I’m home sick. This week I’ve said, “I want to go home,” at least three times.

This week was also very random and I think the full moon this weekend has pushed several things out of whack for me. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

We got a new roommate, which has changed the dynamics in the actor housing. It’s not bad, just different. He’s an older guy, whom I’ve now come to call Uncle Darren. He’s interesting, enjoyable to be around, and full of many stories.

And he should have many a story because he’s been in 4 Broadway productions and many national tours and TV shows. Including the recent revival tour of 42nd Street, he was Julian Marsh!

Also this week Hamlet opened. It’s been getting wonderful audience reactions (standing ovations, we bow more than we’re supposed to because they’re still clapping, etc..).

I’m very interested to see what the reviews say. I can’t tell how the show is.

I don’t get back stage for my first scene until half hour into the show. I can’t tell what I think about it.

I’m pleased with my performance and there are times that I get chills on stage and back stage listening to this 'perfect play.' I also think that in the cast, performances span from absolutely brilliant to, “why are you on this stage?” So, I just don’t know.

A fellow company member named Vernon came to see the show from New York. I’ve never worked with him, but I did finally get to meet him. I loved him in Much Ado About Nothing and in Macbeth 2 years ago at OSF where he played Verges and the Porter. This guy is old and hard of hearing now.

Apparently, for Macbeth he always had a maid with him whom would squeeze his hand when it was his turn to speak. Without missing a beat he would say his lines perfectly. I should know, I saw the show and had no fucking clue this was going on. What an amazing little anecdote right?

He is best friends with Gwen, our Gertrude, they’re both British and absolutely lovely.

Vernon has been in theatre and acting so long that he has changed Christian Bale’s diapers. He did theatre with his parents.

Christian motherfucking Bale!!! (Have you seen the Batman Movie? Heath L. was impeccable)

Meeting both Uncle Darren and Vernon this week was so cool for me.

On Sunday Andrew C., Hamlet and a grad school buddy of mine, invited me to his in laws for a cook-out. There were over 20 family members there. They were all into games and they were all white. I am neither into games nor white.

I spend a lot of time thinking; please don’t make me play football or something like that, or even worse, corn hole.

Well I did have to play corn hole, washers, and this other thing that they called The Testicle Toss; in which you threw 2 golf balls attached by a rope and tried to rap them around some bars. I’ve got to admit that The Testicle toss was kinda fun.

I have always been good with testicles.

So then they, and by they I mean the white people, created a game called Tailgate Olympics, in which one had one minute do throw all the bean bags in Corn Hole, run to the Testicle Toss and do that, then run to the Washers and throw those.

It was a very elaborate and involved game. It took three hours. Three HOURS! After the first round, half were cut according to the scores, then we went into semi finals, then the top 3 made it to the finals, then there was a tie for first place so the game had to go in to O.T., whatever that is, and to make along story short, I came in SECOND!

My family get together are all about drinking, eating, and dancing. In that order.

Lastly,

I can’t wait to go home in 3 more weeks.

I can’t believe I’m doing Othello after Hamlet is done. We start rehearsal for that tomorrow. I am one beat bitch.

It’s official I will be reviving my critically acclaimed roles in , The Comedy of Errors, Dromio of Ephesus and Dromio of Syrcuse, at the Canton Player’s Guild, in Canton, OH in October. 

What does this mean? Well, first it means that I will miss Halloween in Chicago, just like I missed Pride.

“Bitter…party of one, you’re table’s ready.”

But I will be able to do Halloween in Kent, which is a plus.

For me the glass is always half full.... usually wine.

Week Five 7/7 to 7/13

At one point this week I looked around the rehearsal site and thought to myself,

“Is this really happening right now?”

Hamlet rehearsal was going on the stage. To the left of the stage the green show was rehearsing an old Elizabethan song. Hana was on her harp. Andy was practicing his sword fighting. Dane was learning to juggle.

AND all this was happing on the very green and vibrant grounds of Stan Hywet Hall and Gardens, where we perform.

I thought to myself, “Am I at the mother fucking Renaissance fair? What the fuck!”
No, no, no, I only jest. It was actually very surreal and quirky. Made my day.

This past weekend we closed 2 Gents to amazing and huge audiences. It was so much fun. On Saturday, closing, I got entrance applause. Entrance applause from people I don’t personally know. It was very flattering.

On Friday, after the show, a group of women made me promise to come to Ohio and act every summer. 

On Saturday, before the show a woman saw me walking up to the stage and said to me. “Oh my god, You Rock!” This same gal came up to me after the show and said, “I hope you know that you’re my new boyfriend,” I hugged her and she said, “Oh My God, I’m Blushing!” 

Today, just about 45 mins ago, I was at Applebees with my buddy Eric C. and a very old white lady came up to me and asked me, “Do you do Shakespeare at Stan Hywet?”

I said, “Yes”

She said, “Are you Ernie Gonzalez?”

OMG, she new my full name! She was very nice. Anyway I say this because it happened to me this week. I’m not full of my self, but if I don’t give my ego a boost who the fuck else will.  And I will more than likely not even get recognized for Hamlet at all. 

“You were in that?”

I thought I was extremely happy about 2 Gent’s death. But I guess I wasn’t. I was a little sad. A little.

However, one must always look and more forward.

I’m excited to act Rosencrantz in Hamlet. I’m not doing any physical comedy or any of my usual shtick. Actually, even though it’s a minor role and minor story line, I think this is the first show in which I have a character that changes so drastically.

 
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern go from being one of Hamlet’s best’s friends to being the king’s dudes and getting killed because of Hamlet. That’s quite and arch.

Once Hamlet opens I start work on Othello. I’m excited about Othello because it will be short, sweet, and Roderigo is a fun role. He’s a bit of a bumbling idiot. Many productions miss that.

I am currently in negotiations for a production in October. If it happens that means that I would have missed my 2 favorite times of year. Pride and my favorite holiday, which I love more than Christmas, Halloween.

I don’t remember if I’ve shared my love of Halloween and although this has nothing to do with Ohio, Shakespeare, or what I did this week I'm going to run with this  tangent I'm on because I’ve learned to follow my impulses….

Halloween 2005


Halloween 2006

Halloween 2007

Okay, now I feel better.  Back to this week.... Oh yeah

here's something extremely cool that happened this week. On Thursday during the day at rehearsal and my agent called me to ask if I was available to audition for a Clint Eastwood movie. Clint Eastwood!!!

I said, “No, you know I’m out of town doing theatre..I let you know right?” She was very nice and said, “Yes, I know, I know, I’m sorry, I just thought we could work around it.” Apparently, she was excited as well. 

Anyway, we couldn’t work around it, to which she said, "Okay, maybe next time, call me when you get back."

This week went by like lightning. 

Really fast. 

I went to Hip-Hop night at the Interbelt on Monday and didn’t almost get into a gay fight, that’s always good. 

Tuesday was raining so we did Hamlet with umbrellas. 

Wednesday we cooked out with Tim.

Thursday we went to Adams Street Bar. 

On Saturday after closing we went to The Square and played more Wii Bowling.

There was also a private part that night catered by Subway. So, I took Dane’s bag, Chris’s hot friend Jim created a diversion and I stuffed as many 6 in. subs into the bag as I could.

I also noticed that if these subs were really 6inches I’ve been lied to in the past.

We all stuffed our faces when we got back to the actor-housing and I have still been eating subway today. Should I be worried that the bartenders at Adams Street, The Interbelt, and The Square know me now? Nahhhhh!

The best part about this week, even better than the great performances, the partying, my adoring fans, was that Ben came in Fri, Sat, and Sun to see the show and spend the time together.

Damn, I love him.

I know he’s reading this and just today I heard a song, which I listened to like 7 times in a row (he knows how I do this), because it reminded me of him. 

For you baby, from me.

(well okay actually from Christina Aguilera) 

 WITHOUT YOU

Have I been blind?
For the first in my life
I feel I've opened up my eyes
Since you have arrived
Like an angel from the sky
I am on a spirtual high

So don't you ever go away
I could never face
Losing you would kill my faith in a higher place

What kind of world would it be without you
I couldn't breath without you here
What kind of world would I see without you
I can't dream without you here

Beautiful boy
How on earth did I do something worth deserving you
My better half
How I cherish through and through every part of you
I do

Loving you's made me whole now I belong
I found my home
Promise me we'll always stay
The way we are today

What kind of world would it be without
I couldn't breath without you here
What kind of world would I see without you
I can't dream without you here

I can't ever imagine, if this never had happened
I thank God every day
Almost lost you forever, but now I'll always remember
That you're my saving grace

What kind of world would it be without
I couldn't breath without you here
What kind of world would I see without you
I can't dream without you here