Back Pain, Culture, Buses, and Trannies

These few weeks that I’ve been back in Chicago have been really…um…interesting.


First of all, my first week back was horrific. Really really suck assy. The entire week I was, for the most part in pain, on the couch, pissed off, and sad. This was due to my back injury from Othello. I stopped taking my pain medication I got from the hospital because they were knocking me out and making my stomach hurt.


It wasn’t even a fun kinda high.


Towards the weekend my life got better. On Friday, I went to a wedding with Ben. Walking was still a bit difficult for me, but I just had to get out of the house.


A girl Ben works with was getting married at Drury Lane Oakbrook Terrace and her family is connected because there were all sorts of consulates and important vip people there; including, the secretary of state Jessie White.


I was like, What the fuck?! I have that dude's signature on my drivers license”


I love weddings and this wedding was beautiful; 600 plus people, beautiful venue, a great band, entertainment, best wedding food I’ve ever had, best wedding cake I’ve ever had. I loved it.


On Saturday our soon to be Roommate Zach and his current love interest Christian (nice guy) came over and we hung out at our place and went out to dinner. That night I was invited to a theatre party and a gays party, but I wasn’t feeling totally better so Ben and I stayed in.


On Sunday I went to go see Cultural Clash at the Goodman Theatre. It was amazing. I studied these guys in Theatre History and there they were performing in front of me!!! And to make it even better….they still got it. Their performance was hysterical and moving.

(Clips of their current production)

This past week I started my next office temp assignment until Oct 8th when I take off for my next acting job in Canton. I’m back at, for the third time now, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools.

Oh yes, that old chestnut.


The upside is that it’s a lot of money and it’s only for 6 weeks. The downside is that it’s, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools. It’s a very high stress job and very strict office. I have to wear a tie every day. Every day. No casual Fridays here. I have to log in and out every time I get up from my desk and I have to deal with some very angry parents and school staff. It’s just dreadful.


Then this past Wednesday I get a phone call from Animal Planet saying, “We got a submission from your agent and we’re filming a show in Zion, Illinois and we would really love for you to play Charles Martinez. He’s one of the three leads.”


I thought to myself, “Animal Planet, wow, what’s the catch?”


Then they say, “But there’s more….”


I think to myself, “Ah, here’s the catch.”


“It’s a true story about a bisexual man and his transsexual lover who both kill the bisexual man’s ex-girl friend. You would be the transsexual lover. Is this okay with you?”


I say: “This is going to be on ANIMAL PLANET?”


Yes, it’s a new series called Animal Witness about true crime cases that are solved by animals. Well, their not solved by animals, but with their help.


“So, let me get this right. I’m playing a murderous tranny that gets caught by…let’s say: bloodhounds, a coyote, a pit-bull, and…a cockatoo, on Animal Planet?”

"Yes"

SIGN ME UP, BITCH!


It was so funny because they were trying to be so careful about the whole “transsexual” thing. They were choosing their words very carefully, they didn’t want to offend me, and they kept asking me, “Would you be okay with that?”  They also said, “It’s going to be very tastefull.”


I said, “Umm, yeah, I’m going to be just fine with that.”

(Last Halloween)




So, of course the first thing I said on my first day on the set was:

“Hey, I’m Ernie…I’m the murderous hot tranny mess!”


They darkened my eyebrows to make me look tranny-esk, but since it’s Animal Planet I’m not in drag or a wig, which I thought would have been really cool.


I’ll probably end up looking pretty ridiculous if there are any good shots of my face in the show, but for the character it’s going to look good I think.  It's going to very "Cops."  All voice over with snippets of the reenactments. So I don't know if you'll ever even get a good look at my tanny ass face.


It’s been so fun playing an evil person for once. My character is cold and calculating. He killed someone! I think I enjoyed it little too much.


I’ve always told my acting students:
Bad or evil people don’t think that their bad or evil, they just think they’re right.


Doing the murder scene was probably the coolest thing I’ve done for a camera to date. It was so hard not to smile while I was killing a bitch for hitting on my man, because I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, the director said they would probably use very little of it since it was so violent and “this is Animal Planet.”

“I don’t know why I’m spending so much time on this pretending like we’re making a horror flick here. They probably won’t use any of this.” said the director.



The worst thing about working with Animal Planet is that the fucking animals are treated better than the actors.

Week Nine 8/4 to 8/10

Do you ever have the feeling that you don't really belong anywhere?  I'm finally back home, but I feel very strange.  

Last year when I get back I was down right depressed.  Last summer I had such an amazing time, loved the work I did, got great reviews, then all of a sudden I was unemployed and didn't know what I was doing with my life.

This summer, again, I loved the work I did, I got great reviews, but I have a job and I know what I'm doing with my life.  I guess it's just an adjustment period. 

I was gone for so long, I feel like a stranger in my own apartment.

Also I'm heavily drugged at the moment. 

My last week at OSF was pretty good considering I had to go to the Hospital/ER.  Yup, I got hurt during a stage fight while doing Othello.  It happened on Thursday.  We held the show for a couple of minutes because it was raining.  

We get the go and everything is fine until the, 'Roderigo gets his ass kicked' scene, which pretty much is right in the middle of the show.  I run out from up stage screaming "Help, Help" and I'm supposed to trip and fall.  Well the stage floor was wet so I really did trip and fall.  I used it, of course.  

Then the actor playing Cassio (Chris Richards) is supposed to drag me up and fling me across to the other side of the stage.  I was so disheveled from my 'real' fall that I didn't control my next fall and I fell right on my back.  It all happened so fast.

The next day, Friday, I'm really sore, but nothing to bad.  In between my scenes there was always someone in the cast rubbing down my back.  (PS I've never had back pain issues before, never)

On Saturday, however, BAM the pain hits me like a ton of bricks. 

I was feeling better Saturday morning, only a little sore, so I start packing, lifting heavy suitcases, etc... That day Dane, Ben and I were planning to go to a Wolf Creek Winery for a nice lunch and wine tasting at 2:30pm.   As I'm packing the lovely lunch I made: cheese, crackers, grapes, grilled chicken salad, the pain hits me in the kitchen.  

I stumble into the living room and fall to the floor. I  stayed down for 30 mins.  It hurt so bad.  I took a vicodin, but it still hurt.  After those 30 mins i tried to get up and couldn't. That's when I said, "um, I think I have to go to the ER."

Dane and Ben carried me to the car and off we go.

When we got to the hospital, some of the staff there saw how I was struggling to get out of the car and making "oooohhh" "OUCH" noises so they brought me a wheel chair right away.  A woman cop that was at the front door helped me onto the wheel chair and said,

"You hurt your back... Let me guess, football."

To which I responded

"No, acting."

Anyway, I was there for about 3.5 hours.  They took X-rays and give me 2 shots of something good, and a muscle relaxer.  

The doctor said, I didn't break anything.  I strained and bruised a muscle and they prescribed pain killers and muscle relaxers.  I asked, "I have show tonight can I do it?"  He said, "We'll you shouldn't, but that's up to you." 

I thought to myself, "Well, he didn't say I couldn't!"

I had called the director before I left to the hospital and he was prepared to go on for me and read the lines on book.  I called him back said, "I'll be late, but I'm going on."

I left from the Hospital straight to the theatre at Willoughby where we were performing Othello.  It was an hour away, I got there just in time to get into costume and out on stage.  

When I left the Hospital I was high as a kite on Vicodin, which they didn't know I had taken, 2 shots (one in each arm) of something and a muscle relaxer.  I was FLYING.

Before going on I asked the other actors to, "shove me on stage if I'm on and I hope ill say the right lines."

The show went well.  I did have a funny walk, but since Roderigo is a fool, I think it worked for me.  At one point when Othello, who was not every good at all, had a long monologue, I had to lean up against the stage right proscenium because I was getting really dizzy and thought I was going to faint.  

 

This last week both my temp agencies called me, Seville/office, and KSM/catering.  I had lined up a catering gig this entire week, and an office job starting  this coming Monday until Oct 8th, when I'm off for my next gig.  

I had to cancel the catering and take this week off.  I'm still in pain , but not as bad as the day I ended up at the ER.  I'm basically just knocked out all day, because the meds I'm on make me sooo drowsy. 

That having been said, I feel like i'm gonna pass out again.  Goodnight.

Week Eight 7/28 to 8/3

One more week. One more week. One more week.

I’m going home. I’m going home. I’m going home.

Can you tell I’m excited? This experience has been so much different than last year, but still as awesome. I came into this thinking it was going to be different. I came into this trying not to expect it to be as incredible as last year. I have to say that it was as incredible and different.

Doing three shows back to back almost killed me, but talk about craft. Without good craft I don’t think it’s possible to do summer rep. Or I should say, with out good craft it’s not possible to do good summer rep. What is craft? I say the balance of technique and truth. Technique you can learn and that's why one trains. Truth, is a God given gift.

This summer I have solidified by ties with the Ohio Shakespeare Festival. I’m sure I won’t be in a show every summer, though I probably could if I wanted to, but I am so happy to have an artistic home. I can come here and do what I do (Speed, a comedic character), with people I love to do it, and even stretch myself (Rosencrantz, not one laugh line).

I’m excited about coming back in October to do The Comedy of Errors at the Canton Players Guild. It’s going to be INSIDE!!!! INDOORS! I just shed a tear.

This week was pretty calm. Mostly because it’s the first of the month, which means expensive Chicago rent. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money. But also, like I said in my last blog, I was starting to get out of control.

I can now understand why Elaine Stritch, Ethel Merman, Judy Garland and the like were such epic alcoholic and partiers. I’m proud to announce that through out the summer I never let my partying interfere with my work. I think that’s important.

Monday during the day Bret's mom had me over for dinner.  It was a very nice chill family time.  She said they are my Ohio family now.  It thought it was so nice.  Now I have two Ohio white families: the Coulborns and the Holdens.

Monday night, Dane L., Eric C. and I went to the usual Monday Hip-Hop nite at The Interbelt. I’ve been every Monday since I’ve been here, including tonight. However, this night turned out to be very unusual. When we got to the belt we were like, “What’s going on?” Both parking lots were full and the line to get in wrapped around the building. I said, “Naturally, everyone knows I’m almost leaving so they way to pay their respects.”

In line, I noticed that many girls were wearing swimming tops, to go out in. This isn’t really unusual in Akron, OH, but “so many” I thought. Then I saw a couple of boys with swimming trunks. It came to me. “Oh, fuck. Foam Party”

Yes, I was right. At first I was pissed off because the cover was 10 dollars. TEN DOLLARS!! IN OHIO, COME ON! Not even in fucken Chicago I pay 10 dollars. So I’m bitching about this for the first 30 mins of the nite at the club. “10 dollars?” “Seriously?” “Really?”

However, after the 27th hot, probably straight, shirtless guy with amazing abs and 4 coronas I said,

“I would have paid 20!”

I was wearing a very nice button down shirt from Express with trendy pants and black dress shoes. Yes, I got in the foam. Dane really wanted to. 

When I got out I said, “I think I just got pregnant.”

On Tuesday, I saw The Music Man at Porthouse Theater. It was fun. After the show there was an after party that I got invited to and that was fun too. It was just a fun night. Those Porthouse kids this summer were awesome. I hope I can do Porthouse again soon.

My camera is getting fixed and they say I should have it in 2 weeks. They’re going to mail it to Chicago.

Othello is coming along. Okay, honestly, our Othello is, um, well, not as strong as the rest of the cast. But in his defense everyone in the show has done their respective parts twice even three times. We’re kinda eating him up. It’ll be fine.....I hope.

Awe, I'm going to miss everyone so much.

When we got the places call at intermission Lara, who played Silvia and Ophelia, screams out loud: “PLACES, BITCHES!!!”

Dick who played Polonius, an old character actor, grabs my ass and whispers in my year, “Ernie, you must never forget the dignity of the theater.”

Last year, Dick was in The Comedy of Errors, and one time when Andrew C., Terry B. and I were hanging out Terry B. said, “God, isn’t Dick great.” Then I said, without missing a beat, “Hello, I’ve known that for years.”

I’m going to miss Buddy the stage manger and lighting guy how says things like “What’s the best part about fucking 27 year olds? There’re 20 of them.”
He also “hefted” my balls and dick at the last Jacuzzi cast party.

I’m going to miss Terry B.  When I was warming up for a show and Ben was in town he said, “Stretch that shit out. For the show and for TONIGHT.”

I’m going to miss Tess, we’re engaged now that’s how much we love each other.

I’m going to miss Dane, Eric, and Chris most of all. (What the fuck, am I Dorothy?) (Yes)

There is nothing better and being able to do what you love to do with people you love to do it with.


PS For Hamlet we had Mole night, Wink Night, Secret gesture night. And finally when Andrew (our Hamlet) found out how much I hate “the Shocker” hand thing. You know, “One in stink, two in the pink.” I hate this so much. Anyway, he flashed it to me on stage while he was talking to me. I almost lost it. Almost.