Back Pain, Culture, Buses, and Trannies

These few weeks that I’ve been back in Chicago have been really…um…interesting.


First of all, my first week back was horrific. Really really suck assy. The entire week I was, for the most part in pain, on the couch, pissed off, and sad. This was due to my back injury from Othello. I stopped taking my pain medication I got from the hospital because they were knocking me out and making my stomach hurt.


It wasn’t even a fun kinda high.


Towards the weekend my life got better. On Friday, I went to a wedding with Ben. Walking was still a bit difficult for me, but I just had to get out of the house.


A girl Ben works with was getting married at Drury Lane Oakbrook Terrace and her family is connected because there were all sorts of consulates and important vip people there; including, the secretary of state Jessie White.


I was like, What the fuck?! I have that dude's signature on my drivers license”


I love weddings and this wedding was beautiful; 600 plus people, beautiful venue, a great band, entertainment, best wedding food I’ve ever had, best wedding cake I’ve ever had. I loved it.


On Saturday our soon to be Roommate Zach and his current love interest Christian (nice guy) came over and we hung out at our place and went out to dinner. That night I was invited to a theatre party and a gays party, but I wasn’t feeling totally better so Ben and I stayed in.


On Sunday I went to go see Cultural Clash at the Goodman Theatre. It was amazing. I studied these guys in Theatre History and there they were performing in front of me!!! And to make it even better….they still got it. Their performance was hysterical and moving.

(Clips of their current production)

This past week I started my next office temp assignment until Oct 8th when I take off for my next acting job in Canton. I’m back at, for the third time now, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools.

Oh yes, that old chestnut.


The upside is that it’s a lot of money and it’s only for 6 weeks. The downside is that it’s, The Bureau of Student Transportation for Chicago Public Schools. It’s a very high stress job and very strict office. I have to wear a tie every day. Every day. No casual Fridays here. I have to log in and out every time I get up from my desk and I have to deal with some very angry parents and school staff. It’s just dreadful.


Then this past Wednesday I get a phone call from Animal Planet saying, “We got a submission from your agent and we’re filming a show in Zion, Illinois and we would really love for you to play Charles Martinez. He’s one of the three leads.”


I thought to myself, “Animal Planet, wow, what’s the catch?”


Then they say, “But there’s more….”


I think to myself, “Ah, here’s the catch.”


“It’s a true story about a bisexual man and his transsexual lover who both kill the bisexual man’s ex-girl friend. You would be the transsexual lover. Is this okay with you?”


I say: “This is going to be on ANIMAL PLANET?”


Yes, it’s a new series called Animal Witness about true crime cases that are solved by animals. Well, their not solved by animals, but with their help.


“So, let me get this right. I’m playing a murderous tranny that gets caught by…let’s say: bloodhounds, a coyote, a pit-bull, and…a cockatoo, on Animal Planet?”

"Yes"

SIGN ME UP, BITCH!


It was so funny because they were trying to be so careful about the whole “transsexual” thing. They were choosing their words very carefully, they didn’t want to offend me, and they kept asking me, “Would you be okay with that?”  They also said, “It’s going to be very tastefull.”


I said, “Umm, yeah, I’m going to be just fine with that.”

(Last Halloween)




So, of course the first thing I said on my first day on the set was:

“Hey, I’m Ernie…I’m the murderous hot tranny mess!”


They darkened my eyebrows to make me look tranny-esk, but since it’s Animal Planet I’m not in drag or a wig, which I thought would have been really cool.


I’ll probably end up looking pretty ridiculous if there are any good shots of my face in the show, but for the character it’s going to look good I think.  It's going to very "Cops."  All voice over with snippets of the reenactments. So I don't know if you'll ever even get a good look at my tanny ass face.


It’s been so fun playing an evil person for once. My character is cold and calculating. He killed someone! I think I enjoyed it little too much.


I’ve always told my acting students:
Bad or evil people don’t think that their bad or evil, they just think they’re right.


Doing the murder scene was probably the coolest thing I’ve done for a camera to date. It was so hard not to smile while I was killing a bitch for hitting on my man, because I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, the director said they would probably use very little of it since it was so violent and “this is Animal Planet.”

“I don’t know why I’m spending so much time on this pretending like we’re making a horror flick here. They probably won’t use any of this.” said the director.



The worst thing about working with Animal Planet is that the fucking animals are treated better than the actors.