Put A Fork In Me

Whew! It's over. The Holiday Season is done.

And after, 1 Movie Night, 1 Charity Event, 1 Museum, 1 Karaoke Night, 1 Midnight Movie , 2 Plays, 3 Holiday Concerts, 3 Holiday Parties, 6 Bar nights and gallons and gallons upon gallons of booze, what do I have to show for it?

1o Pounds.

I have so many stories I don't which ones to report. Oh, I just thought about something. I'm going to share my best and worst holiday moment this season.

The Worst:

There is an art to gift giving. It's a balance of listening and knowing the person, but most important, time and effort.

That being said, this year I got Long Underwear and Earmuffs. HOW FUCKEN HORRIFIC IS THAT SHIT!!!?? I'm still in my 20's for fuck sake. Late late late 20's, but still in there.

Now, I'm not trying to be ungrateful. There were many many a Christmas in my youth were I didn't get anything. Have I mentioned the one Christmas when we were so hard up we couldn't even get a tree. So, my brother, sisters and I made one out of cardboard.

We colored it. Hung lights on it. We totally loved it.

I've seen some very very hard times, but seriously. REALLY? REALLY??? Long underwear and ear muffs? I would have preferred some coal. At least this way I know they had to go mining for it; which according the the Coal Mining Exhibit at the Museum of Since and Industry, which was totally awesome, is very dangerous.

Listen, I don't expect an IPod every year. I don't expect the newest expensive gadget. I don't expect anything. But if you've been with someone for 5 yrs, wouldn't you think you 'd get something that's, Oh, I don't know, NOT LONG JOHNS AND EAR MUFFS.

I think a good rule of thumb is:

Don't give someone what they need (unless it's really cool), but give them something they want.

How would you know what someone wants? You have to listen. And if that someone says stuff like, "Oh, I really wanted that personal body groomer, but it was 45 bucks." Then maybe you should dish out the 45 bucks and get that. If you know that someone's passion is Acting; buy that "someone" any acting book they don't have, they'll love it. If SOME ONE has really been into some band/show/singer/ or stripper get maybe you should get ME something having to do with that band/show/singer/or stripper. And always, always, always: You can never go wrong with strippers or drugs.

"Awww, you got me some coke, how sweet. Who's this guy? OH. OOOOOohhhhhh."

What was the Best moment this Holiday Season?

Christmas day (pre-opening gifts). That morning Ben and I woke up and started making Tamales. Yes, I decided to make tamales from scratch. It's a 2 day process. I had such a wonderful time building them. They came out okay. I've had better. I've had much much worse.

So there you go The best moment and the worst moment this holiday happened to me on the same day. Mother Fucking Christmas Day.