my methdolic epiphany

What a wondrous and joyful holiday I had and I hope everyone else did as well. Even though I really fucking hate Christmas. However, this Christmas season I came to fully understand and grasp exactly why I fucking hate Christmas:

Yeah, of course, nothing else reminds you how messed up your family is more than xmas, but there is also all this pressure that surrounds this holiday. Pressure to give people presents, the right thing or things. There is also pressure to get exactly what you want and the pressure that everything has to be perfect, the tree, family, dinner, "Christmas Moments," I mean, fuck, it's exhausting. Financially, emotionally and physically.

At least that's what I though Christmas had to be or was. But, I've learned better... and after twenty...um..three years of life I'm starting to let some of that go. yeah, I am I'm starting to let go.

That having been said; here's what I did this Christmas Season:

Friday: Ben and I did get out to see I AM LEGEND on IMAX. Holy, fucking shit this movie was so much fun. I think the IMAX experience really helped it as well. I felt like I was on a roller coster. Sure, a couple cuts and edits were a bit wonky, but it was just so much fun. Ben and I held our hands over our mouths for most of the movie. I did scream and jump like a little bitch like 3 times.
(side note: the new BATMAN movie trailer? Looks awesome or what? I'm also looking forward to CLOVERFIELD, omg i can't wait!)

Saturday: I drank strawberry margaritas all day and then we went to go see Miss Richfield 1981's Fall On Your Knees. It's been several days now and my fat cheeks still hurt from laughing and smiling so much.




I hope she comes back to Chicago soon. I can't even explain how hysterical she was. Dame Edna is still my fav, but Miss Richfield is my second fav now.

Both nights we got out to a few bars: Sidetracks, Roscoe's, The Lucky Horseshoe (nasty, I know) But, if you really want to know me, you gotta know that...I Love me some strippers. So if you're ever wondering what to get me to my bday, christmas or lent, there you go.



we also went to Charlie's for after hours on Saturday; danced till 3:30am. Their last call is at 4am!! (that's right, this old bird can still hang) (of course I couldn't move from muscle pain and injury for the following 4 days, but I can still HANG goddammit!)

Oh yeah, I forgot and on Friday before the movie we went to the Christmas thing at Navy Pier, since that's where the imax is:





Doesn't that look like Santa just threw up or something? There a lot more xmas pictures which will be posted on my myspace and facebook.

Monday: Christmas Eve I had to work but got out early and we went to Christmas service at the United Methodist Church that's 4 buildings away from where we live. I am now officially a Catholic Methodist! I'm thinking of calling myself a Cathodist, a Methdolic or a Licmethocath. We then went drinking after church.

Tuesday: Christmas day was so nice. Ben and I cooked all morning (our ribs and such) we eat, watched our new movies, played game cube, and drank wine ALL day. It was fabulous. Dan and Danielle stopped by for cocktails for little bit and that was very nice. We were planning to go out and watch the SWEENEY TODD movie, but we were having just a chill good time at home we didn't want to leave.

So, this season I've discovered the true meaning of Christmas. I've had a spiritual Methdolic epiphany. I now, after...twenty...five years of life, know what it's all about:
Gay Male Strippers and Booze; God Bless Us Everyone!

-Ernie


Oh, just in case you were wondering this is how Ben waits for the subway:

AND this is how I wait for the subway.


Lastly, my xmas presents include, but are not limited to:

Madonna's Confession Tour DVD and CD


Luigi's Mansion for my Game Cube


Elaine Stritch's At Liberty Broadway show DVD


Bea Arthur's one woman Broadway Show CD


I LOVE YOU, BEN and ERIC!!!!!!

i'm sicky pooh and merry fucking christmas

I've been under the car this whole week. (that's worse than under the weather) Getting up and coming to work these last couple of days was so hard to do, but I did it. I'm feeling a tad better now. Not 100 percent, but if i keep drinking hot liguids it helps.

More importantly, I would like to share the a few things that I wrote on...well... let's just call her, Kangie Koreno's blog:

I was wondering where the stereotype that Mexicans are dirty and lazy comes from??

Maybe from old movies where Mexicans were always portrayed like this?

Badges, we don't have to show you now stinking badges.

Or perhaps it comes from the campesinos and laborers. People who work really hard like maids, and construction workers, and even grape picker uppers and so they were indeed dirty. Which brings me to my point: How can Mexicans be labeled as lazy?!!!???...It takes 2 fucking days to make refried beans. You have to:

1. go through every bean individually to select only the best beans
2. soke the beans over night
3. boil the beans in low medium for about 6 hours (depending on how much you're making)
4. after you've drained them, a little, and added lard (i use EVOO, thanks Rachael Ray!) You have to use all the muscles in your body to grind those mother fuckers up while you pray 20 hail marys.

something to think about.....and now I'm hungry.


ON A SIDE NOTE:

I hope everyone has happy holidays. Ben and I will be having a quite time at home. I'll actually be working and the only day off I get is Xmas day. If you don't know X-mas is my least favorite holiday of the year. Actually I hate it. Always have, always will.

When I was younger I would run away from my house and go spend the time with the Reyes Family. They actually pretty much expected me to show up so they even started getting me a gift as well.
Anyways, I always feel so bad that I would much rather just have that day go by like any other day and I have to drag Ben into that as well. Actually, last year was very nice because it was just us 2, we did presents, ordered tamales, and went to church.

Either way I try to make it a little special just for Ben.

So this year for our grand 2 person xmas eve dinner i'm making Emeril's Baby Back Ribs with Homemade Barbecue Sauce and Smashed Potato Salad (i think jesus would approve) and we'll be going to Church, as well as unwrapping gifts xmas morning.

This weekend however I want to go see I AM LEGEND at the IMAX, so excting. As well as MISS RICHFIELD 1981 in "FALL on your KNEES!" at the Lake Shore Theatre.



How fabulous does this look??!!! omg, I'm so excited.

Best wishes, warmest thoughts, blah, blah, blah suck my ass

why not

well, much to the advise of my agent, I've decided to start a blog...again. I think there's a few one entry blogs of mine, only god knows where. So, the reason behind this is that maybe, at a later point, I can draw from my "life writings" to develop some stand-up acts. Which does appeal to me, but I have always shy-ed away, because theatre keeps me so fucking busy, but also, I've always thought that I can't really write comedy. I can make other writer's stuff funny, but every time I've sat down to actually "write" a stand-up comedy routine (again, because of my agent) I just sit in front of an open word doc, draw a blank, cry, and run off to McDonalds.

So a few warnings:
1. Does this mean my blog is going to be the most hilarious thing you've ever read? Probably not.

2. My spelling is atroshious (see told you) and my grammar is none existent. People, I have 2 things going against me: my dyslexia, and English is my mother fucking second language.

3. If I insult you, talk bad about you, or make fun of you, I apologize in advance. (this is assuming that people actually read this bull shit)

4. I curse like a sailor, fight like a marine, fuck like a crack-whore, and am as graceful as a ballerina.


oooohh, maybe I can make up fake names to protect the innocent. Like, Ken Blainer, Goman Marcia, Angie Shmoreno, Adriana Floresss, Manielle Motlz, Whore Macias (Laura, please refer to warning number 3), and Gay Costes and Fagdrew Cruse.

Man, I hope I keep up with this bull shit. Okay so to official start now:

Hi Blogg!! I had an absolutely fabulous weekend, though it ended in disaster. So, on Saturday I went with Ken Blainer's company x-mas party. The Hall was huge and very nice and I had a good time. Two words: open bar. Also, Ben's co-workers are pretty cool and fun. Props to Justin and Todd, can't wait to go out with you guys. Marylin and I got tore up. Ben won a phone! (with a gift receipt so that piece of shit is going back, we're taking the cash and hopefully scoring some Christmas crack cocaine)



Afterwards, we went to party with my crazy Columbia friends, Margaret, Brian, Nicole, Natalie (LOOVE HER) and her hott ass boyfriend, as well as other's at Laura's house. Laura if you're reading this; once again, please do it with your down stairs neighbor for me, thanks.

This party was very tame compared to the last one we went too with them were there was a beer pool in the kitchen, Margaret tried to sit on my lap; we both fell, I also bit it again when going into a bathroom ::dropped a beer on this one:: We had not been to Laura's new place so when we got there we automatically went to where the loud music was. Where, we proceeded to party, say hi to people, and hang out for a while before we realized we were in the wrong place. Apparently if you just say, "Where's Margaret?" you can get in anywhere.


Any who, if you're in Chicago you know that by the time we left Fullerton and Milwaukee there was about 32 feet of snow on the ground and it was still falling. So we're walking to the car and suddenly Ben and I are completely covered in a mound of snow and we hear a snow plow whizz by. After Ben dug me out, I ran to said snow plow which was stopped at a red light screaming, "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE," in the most low and butch voice that has ever come out of my body. Unfortunately, He/She drove away before I could kill him/her. (see note 4)

Why did this happen to us you might be wondering. Well, it happened because I was wearing brand new Banana Republic 148 dollar pants. Am I in the habit of buying such expense clothes? ummm, no, not really. My point is: Murphy's Law is a fucken bitch and I should have probably not been wearing any pants at all, period.



I'm hoping whenever my life is not as event full (wishful thinking) I can backlog and recite stories of my not so yonder past: like when I cried at the Gap because I had to keep getting larger and lager pants, or about my time at the Bureau of Student Transportation answering incoming 1-800-How's My Driving phone calls....ohh yeah, have some good stuff there and I've totally worked out with my therapist so I'm ready to talk about it. Stay tuned....

-Ernie